


Everything's Gonna Be Alright

by ziamxo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-28 17:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3863080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziamxo/pseuds/ziamxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's taking Liam a bit longer to let Zayn go.</p>
<p>Or the one where Zayn goes to the 2015 Asian Awards and Liam starts putting things into perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything's Gonna Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii, hello! It's been a while since I've posted anything and I'm, as always, a bit nervous about it.  
> It's definitely out of my realm of AU so I really, really hope I did this justice. 
> 
> And I can't forget to thank the most incredible person who helped a sister out, [](niallhatan.tumblr.com)Jarka! Thank you so so much. 
> 
> And I don't really have much else to say except I hope I'm not wasting anyone's time and I didn't entirely muck this up. Enjoy!

It was a terrible idea.

He should avoid social media at all cost in that moment and he knows it.

But Liam can’t help it.

It’s like his fingers are fighting against his heart which is fighting against his mind and Liam _can’t stop._

So he clicks on the link.

Liam’s breath truly hitches and it’s cliché and dramatic and honestly really fucking dumb because—because this is all so wrong and he should be— _no._

He’s got to stop living in the “what ifs”.

He has to somehow move on from these events that have had his mind spinning like a tornado at one hundred and twenty miles per hour.

But Liam _can’t._

At least not yet.

Liam’s brow furrows as he examines the image and his phone in his pocket burns at his thigh as he remembers the last text he’d received from him.

**_‘s gonna be weird, man. Weird not having you lot there._**

_You’ll be fineee zaynnnie . u don’t need us 2 be amazing x_

**_Don’t_**

_Dont what?_

**_Don’t do that liam_**

_Its just the truth, babe, youll be fine. youll see. ur mums gona be right by ur side to help u along the way. Youll see how great u are and how much people love YOU. Tmrows gona be good for u. Its gonna be ur day. Get some rest. x_

**_No sweet dreams, liam?_**

_miss u, zayn._

And Liam remembers how he felt his heart press down on itself at the thought of how right he was. Zayn was going to be fine. Niall and Louis and Harry had all said it when the decision was finalized and Liam never disagreed.

But Liam?

Liam still wasn’t fine.

**_sweet dreams, babe. x_**

Liam still remembers how he read that brief message and contemplated responding for half of a minute before he put his mobile on the bedside table and sniffled as he dug his face into his tear stained pillow. He soon had rolled himself over and forced sleep upon himself tomorrow would be a new day and tomorrow.

The permanence of the events would make an imprint after these last dodgy weeks.

Tomorrow would just set everything in stone.

Still, Liam can’t believe Zayn never fucking told him about the buzzed haircut. The nose ring, he saw coming in a way, what with Zayn coming up to Liam one day and showing off a fan’s drawing showcasing Zayn with a septum piercing. And Liam could see the genuine interest in something of that variety, Zayn easily correcting him that he was probably going to start a bit more subtle.

The loss of the hair, though. Well, _all_ thehair? That was what had his breath hitching. (That’s another thing that Liam _should’ve_ seen coming, honestly, and he feels so fucking dumb for how amazed he is that Zayn actually went for it after months of hinting at it in interviews and playful tweets. Liam’s a moron, plain and simple).

Liam keeps scrolling on his laptop through the _zayn malik_ tag on twitter, getting star-struck with each and every image that comes around.

He’s so bloody gorgeous, but most importantly?

Zayn looks so _happy_ and a bit nervous but somehow still in his element.

All of the constant mood swings Zayn had had a few weeks back while they were touring were a complete one-eighty to the Zayn he was seeing now.

It kind of reminded him of the first few days of Liam meeting Zayn in McDonalds to the days in boot camp and further on.

Liam smiles when he sees a photo of Zayn and his mother, Trisha, at his side looking beautiful as ever and Liam inhales a shaky breath that surprises him because Liam can still remember the nights when Liam would cuddle into Zayn at night and Zayn would whisper how much he missed his family, missed his _mum_ and her cooking and the aroma she kept around the Malik household.

Zayn’s right where he belongs, so it seems.

Liam’s a right mess of emotions (and has been for the past couple of weeks. He can’t even deny it at this point and why would he when a piece of the equation has been taken out, leaving them without a proper answer to sort this right mess out) but somehow he gathers his composure, batting away the moisture that threatens to build up in his eyes.

He hears his phone vibrate in his pocket for the ninth time within the last twenty minutes that he’s turned it back on, but Liam’s on his day off and he just—he doesn’t want to deal with anything right now. He’s not even sure why he bothered turning it back on, honestly. All he knows is that he did, but wants zero to do with it. He doesn’t need to have someone provoke him into opening his mouth and blurting out just how _not_ okay he has been with this entire situation.

So, Liam keeps scrolling on his laptop.

Liam feels like a Zayn Malik fan (but he’s always been one, number one if that, so nothing new there) but it still feels a bit off.

Looking at his friend living up his life while he’s sat at his computer feeling absolutely miserable is a bit daunting and maybe a little creepy on his part.

And maybe Liam’s being far too dramatic with this entire debacle but then again, no one would ever be able to really understand him. (And the one person that could isn't even within reach, anymore).

He’s _used_ to Zayn being around when Liam needs to share off some cool fact or comic he’s found.

He’s _used_ to being able to call up Zayn to come over at whatever time he wishes because Liam knows his schedule (it is both of theirs, after all) and knows that Zayn is a couple of rooms away.

He’s _used_ to the proximity and _not_ having Zayn around feels a hell of a lot like not being able to breathe underwater without an oxygen tank.

As Liam continues scrolling through the feed, he passes a variety of tweets and images but when he passes a link to a video it’s like every nerve in his body locks into place. He blankly watches the screen with various tweets and photo links before he’s scrolling up the page a bit to what had caught his attention.

Fuck. _Already?_ He knew technology was fast these days but—shit, there was already a video of the acceptance speech?

His phone vibrates once again but Liam’s too entranced, finger hovering over the ‘open on YouTube’ button as it opens up a new tab and the page begins to load up.

There’s this undying need to look through the comments but _no._ No.

He’s not spoiling it. He’s—fuck, he’s gonna do this.

Liam feels anticipation build up as the video starts up.

It’s the final award for outstanding achievement in music.

Okay. Alright.

He’s got this.

There’s a quick break where Liam’s eyes catch Trisha cheering on Naughty Boy who makes it up on the stage and who knows what he’s got to say, all that Liam knows is that he wants to see _Zayn._ So, naturally, his mouse glides over the time of the video and looks at the small timeline frames before there’s a photograph of Zayn when he was a child. Little Zayn’s hands are his face with the brightest of grins directed towards the camera and it’s one of the many younger Zayn photographs Liam’s grown so fond of.

It doesn’t require any more for Liam to play it from then on.

And maybe it’s completely natural too, the way that Liam’s heart swells as he hears the commentator summarizing Zayn’s life in One Direction and all that they had accomplished as a band.

Liam has to bite down on his lip as moments of the Take Me Home tour play within the video alongside other snippets they shared _as a band_ and before he knows it, the video is over and Zayn is being called up to accept his speech.

Liam can’t help his smile just watching how handsome and how excited Zayn was to go to the podium and Liam can’t help but laugh quietly to himself as he watches Zayn nearly knock off his award. What a nerd.

Always so smooth with the recovery, though.

Why hadn’t Zayn ever been given the chance to _really_ accept one of the One Direction awards, though? Liam asks himself. Sure, Zayn sounds nervous but he’s still carrying his speech _so_ well. It just comes naturally to him, is the thing, and just seeing that—seeing that character development before Liam is a bit unreal in a way that makes Liam extremely proud.

Laughing lightly at Zayn’s _“I’d like to thank my mum and dad for making me Asian,”_ alongside the crowd that also laughs, it’s hard for Liam not to be endeared. What a geek.

His heart seems to constrict a little bit more after that.

“ _And, uh, I’d also like to take this moment to thank four of the best guys I ever met, um, whilst being in the band and doing all the amazing things that I did.”_

Liam’s literally wearing down his bottom lip as he smiles through his speech, taking account of the very light, barely there, waver in Zayn’s voice.

_“Some of the things that we did will stay with me for the rest of my life and I thank you for that. Um, and, yeah just uh. Here’s to the future. Thank you very much for everything.”_

Liam doesn’t close the video just yet, instead watching Zayn stop for a few photographs and Liam just watches carefully at the expression placed on Zayn’s face and it doesn’t take a genius to realize why Zayn looks the way that he does.

Zayn’s _happy._

Zayn’s content with the decision he’s made and maybe that’s what Liam needed to accept One Direction’s future without Zayn.

Maybe that’s what Liam needed to be okay with Zayn being gone.

Once the video comes to a still, Liam shuts his laptop and sets it on his bedside table,finally taking note of the metal brick of a phone in his pocket.

Running a hand over his face with one hand (and when did he suddenly feel so drained out?) while the other hand reaches for his phone, Liam leans back against his headboard as he puts in his passlock before the click sounds and he’s left reading _: 5 messages. 1 missed calls. 1 voicemail._

He starts up with the messages and the very first thread he sees left unread is Niall’s followed by Louis’s. But that’s not the first one Liam’s focusing in on. It’s actually Zayn’s and instinctively, Liam’s finger grazes over his name that follows with a tap before the grey text boxes with words are placed before him.

_Im on my way to the awards…..super nervous :/ this wasn’t as bad as when i had you here with me, man._ 18:03

 

_you remember when we went to the brits and we had our own table and wine and shit and it was super fancy? Gotta say, man. Brits gotta step it up. There’s these sick little lamps hanging about and it just feels really personal and like, cool, you know?_ 19:24

 

_wish you were here. x_ 21:42

 

Liam looks at the clock on the corner of his screen and breathes out deeply. That was three hours ago.

 

He can’t even compose an articulate response no matter what he thinks. Liam’s still set with this sense of pride, but these texts Zayn sent him are forcing him to hold on to someone who wasn’t happy where he used to be.

And Liam’s only being selfish.

He closes out of the thread without a response and instead opens up Niall’s, rolling his eyes at the photo attachment the lad has sent of his trousers hung up on a cabled wire somewhere. Liam really doesn’t want to know. _mad, the lot of you._

And then Louis who had just asked less than ten minutes ago if he was still up. Liam decides to respond as well. _yea._ Short and to the point, wasn’t it?

And then finally he’s checking his missed calls and Liam physically feels sick for a moment.

_Zayn._ Two _hours_ ago.

“Fuck me,” he breathes out, clearing the notification before the voicemail one appears.

This one doesn’t even surprise him but it sure does amp up his nerves.

He opens his voicemail box up and Liam presses the play button, turning up the volume while he’s at it.

_“Um. Hey, Liam. Just wanted to call to make sure everything’s alright? But...you didn’t answer, so. Here I am in your voicemail. Hah. Uh. Yeah, give me a call when you can, yeah? I know your schedule’s probably really busy and—“_ there’s mumbling on the other end of the line followed by a petulant whine that Liam can easily place as Safaa. “ _no, Saf—he didn’t answer, I swear.”_ There’s more mumbling and Liam can barely distinguish the upset _“‘…all to yourself!’ ‘Safaa, honey, please,’”_ that is easily Trisha.

“ _Sorry, um. Where was I?_ ” Zayn asks the dead line and Liam’s free hand makes its way behind the nape of his neck, rubbing at it in a calming manner. _“Oh, yeah. Just call me when you can. Please? Okay, gotta go. Bye, babe.”_

It’s nearly one in the morning and Liam has no consideration towards Zayn and his sleep, so it seems, because he presses the call button before he can second guess himself.

And the line rings.

And rings.

And rings.

Liam’s lost hope after the fourth ring and he’s just removing the phone from his ear before a tired _‘llo?’_ is making sound through his phone.

“Zayn?” Liam questions once the phone is back to his ear. “Shit, sorry, did I wake you? I can—I can call back and—“

“No, no,” Zayn responds groggily, Liam clearly hearing a yawn which inevitably makes Liam _want_ to as well. But he bites it ba—no, nevermind. It doesn’t work. “’s okay,” he sighs out.

And maybe Liam is imagining Zayn rubbing at his tired eyes as he sits up because Zayn knows fairly well that if he stays laid in bed with no elevation, Zayn will fall back asleep in seconds. Not like he hasn’t fallen asleep standing upright, but, you know. Liam’s giving him the benefit of the doubt this time around.

“What time is it?” Zayn questions and Liam’s pretty sure he’s stretching then and there.

“Um, like. Late.” Liam responds dumbly, knowing fairly well he’s got a watch on his wrist to give him something, but he just doesn’t have it in him to actually check.

At least Zayn quietly chuckles at that which has Liam’s heart hammering in his chest.

It’s literally been less than a week since they’ve talked through the phone but it feels like an eternity.

And the thing is other people wouldn’t understand if it bit them in the ass. Because Liam has separation anxiety when it comes to Zayn. Always has. Since the X-Factor days when Zayn lost his granddad and Liam felt like there was a heavy weight of hurt in his chest while he was away, only leading to the massive thread they shared by the end of the short week Zayn was gone. To the first tour where Zayn lost a relative and headed back home and Liam kept sending him pictures of the city that they were currently in. To all the other times in between where there _wasn’t_ a break and Zayn had to be away because no one got more homesick than Zayn.

Now it’s a permanent thing and it has pained him turning around to where Zayn is supposed to be on stage only to find it empty. God, he’s already fucking cried, never having done so to the point where he had to take a moment off the stage.

It’s not like it’s just Liam who is codependent on Zayn. They all were codependent on one another, really. And it's just thrown the dynamic off a bit but it just _seems_ like the other lads are adjusting better to it, faster to it, than Liam _can._

He knows that they all have their ways of coping, though. Liam _is_ the sensible one after all.

“You alright?”

Zayn’s voice brings him back to reality and Liam isn’t sure when that knot formed in his throat and no one has really _asked_ him if he was. No one’s bothered to because, well, because maybe they know the answer before having to ask.

“I will be,” Liam responds instead but, fuck. Today was Zayn’s day, he’s not going to muck that up. No way in hell. “Hey, listen.” He clears his throat, wiping at the corner of his eye.

“Hm?” Zayn asks. Liam’s not sure if he’s falling back asleep but maybe it’d be a good thing if he did now.

“I saw your speech and, uh. Congrats, mate. Honestly, genuinely, congratulations. It was really well said.”

There’s silence on the other end of the line and Liam has to pull his phone away to make sure that Zayn’s still on the line. His phone indicates that he is so his brows furrow as he puts the phone back to his ear. “Zayn?”

“I don’t know how you do it all the time.” Zayn speaks out quietly. But something about the tone in his voice tells Liam that he’s actually smiling. “Was so nerve-wracking, mate. And I nearly fucking dropped my award.”

“I saw,” Liam giggles quietly.

Zayn follows suit and Liam hears an _‘I’m an idiot.’_

“Don’t think anyone there really noticed though. You covered it up well enough.”

“Who knows, honestly?” There’s another yawn sounding before Zayn continues, “Oh well. At least the day’s over.”

“S’pose so. You have a good time, though?” Liam questions, rubbing at his tired eyes.

There’s a pause and Liam’s hoping that he’s at least nodding his head. “Y’know what? Yeah, I really did. It was—a change of scene, I s’pose you could say. I needed that.”

Liam nods this time around despite knowing Zayn can’t see it. He doesn’t feel the heaviness in his heart—at least not as profound as it had been earlier in the night. “I’m proud of you for doing what was best for you, man.”

“Even if it meant hurting you in the process?” Zayn’s voice sounds so cautious and frail and maybe that’s the problem.

“Don’t, Zayn—“

“I did hurt you so don’t say that it’s alright. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know, babe. You’ve—you said it like a million times when everything was piling up. It _is alright.”_

“But you’re not,” Zayn dead pans and the silence feels so thick in Liam’s room suddenly.

Liam exhales a breath as he presses the heel of his palm onto an eye because this is far more stressful than it needs to be. “I will be. Besides, that isn’t even important. We’re not talking about _me,_ Zayn. We’re talking about you and your success and the difference you’re making just by staying true to who you are, okay? That’s—you made a difficult decision and I’m still _so_ proud of you for doing what you knew in your heart was the best thing—“ his eyes start welling up and there’s a knock on his door but Liam isn’t done. He needs another minute. “I’m never gonna fault you for that and I don’t want you to apologize for it, either, alright? So, _please_ just—“

“ _Liam, open up!”_ he hears a stage whisper behind the door.

“Please just don’t worry about me, okay?”

“Liam—“

“ _Please,_ ” Liam pleads. He can hear Zayn’s unsteady breath on the other line before there’s another knock on the door.

“Did you hear that?” Zayn asks and Liam nods, clearly to himself, as he begins to push himself off the bed.

“Yeah. It’s—one sec.” When Liam opens the door, he’s pretty sure Louis is going to reprimand him for not opening up soon enough but he sees that Liam’s on the phone and Liam watches his mouth snap shut. He’s got films and a plastic bag with him that seems to look like its carrying candies but Liam’s too busy shutting the door to be sure.

When he turns around, Louis is sat at the edge of the bed, nodding his head before he’s mouthing a quiet, “Who is it?”

Liam easily responds back with Zayn’s name.

Louis lights up almost immediately and he’s up, taking the phone from Liam despite Liam’s protests, but it’s late so he’s trying to be considerate even though the walls of this hotel room are probably sound proof.

“Mate! How’s it going! Saw your speech—did an ace job, I must say. Might need a little cleaning up for the next one, but, you know. Nothing we can’t handle.”

“Give me my phone, Lou!” Liam whines out and instead Louis just kicks off his shoes and jumps up on the bed, phone still in his ear.

“Mate—I _told_ you that shit would happen, did I not?” Louis laughs, stepping away from Liam’s reach. “Uh-huh. _Uh-huh._ No, yeah. You’re totally a prick but I understand. I’ll call you, yeah, definitely. Love you too, man. See you soon.” Louis stops, stretching his hand out to Liam. “Fucking wanker doesn’t want to speak to _me,”_ he grumbles and Liam’s sure he hears Zayn’s laughter on the other side.

Liam takes his phone and makes his way to the bathroom, not missing his chance to flip Louis off in the process—one that easily gets returned-- before he’s locking himself into the bathroom.

“Zayn?” Liam says worriedly for what seems to be the third time that night and he can’t help but exhale a breath when Zayn’s quiet laughter chimes in.

It dims to a soft, peaceful silence and Liam lets himself lean against the counter of the sink.

“I already miss you lot so fucking much, man.” Zayn breathes out and Liam just really wants to hug him. Zayn had always said his hugs were comforting and warm and Liam wants to provide that and so much more.

“Yeah, well, we miss you too.”

“At least it’s mutual,” Zayn chuckles softly and Liam can’t help the soft smile that etches onto his face.

“It’s always going to be mutual. Well, at least on my end. Your end might change, though, when you get all big and bad and famous and forget about the little ones like myself.”

Zayn catches the teasing tone in his voice because the quiet, “Fucker,” makes Liam laugh all the more.

“You alright, Liam?” Zayn finds himself asking after there’s another brief moment of silence.

Liam inhales a breath and licks his lips before the half forced, half genuine smile returns. “I will be,” he repeats for the second time that night, but this time it feels more… like a promise. Like something that isn’t being fabricated but will actually happen because at least he’s not really losing _Zayn,_ right? “Just don’t forget about me, yeah?” There go Liam’s insecurities all wrapped in a question.

“Never. Wouldn’t if I could. Couldn’t if I had to,” Zayn responds quietly in a voice that seems so genuine and like it’s own promise before Liam nods.

“You alright, Zayn?”

“I will be,” Zayn reiterates and Liam listens close because the, “Don’t forget about me, either,” is so soft that he would’ve missed it had he still been in the same room as Louis.

And after they hang up and Liam’s sat on his bed watching some old cartoons through droopy eyes because Louis won’t fucking let Liam sleep and Louis is making a right mess with skittles falling all over the bed, his phone vibrates and it’s nearing two am so Liam doesn’t know who the fuck it would be but he reaches for his phone regardless.

**“ _Tell Louis to let you go to sleep before I kick his arse. You lot have a gig coming up.”_**

Liam reads the text out loud and Louis has the audacity to scoff.

Another text comes through.

**_“If he doesn’t listen, tell him about the Niagara Falls incident.”_**

Liam does as such and Liam’s sure he’s never seen Louis eyes so wide as he jumps off of the bed. “Dumb lad isn’t even within _punching_ distance anymore, fucking hell,” Louis says, leaving the mess as it is while he puts on his shoes. “I hate him; tell him I hate him. I hate him and his overachieving award in music.”

“It’s _outstanding award of achievement in music,”_ Liam corrects. “Stop looking so jealous. It’s not a good look on you.” He titters.

And it’s only moments later that Louis continues his grumbling words as he flips off the telly that has Liam laughing before the door is shut behind Louis and Liam’s left alone again with the lamp of the bed stand as the only source of light.

_It…. Wrked lol. thx babe_

**_anytime, li. see you soon, ok? Sleep tight, yeah?_**

_yeah, defiantly. u 2 xxx_

**_its definitely babe ;P but sweet dreams x_**

Liam’s just about to respond with an annoyed emoji, but when he slowly turns himself over onto his side, he feels something bumpy on his arm and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what it is.

_“Louis.”_ He lets out annoyed, picking at the now smashed skittle. He still eats it, though, because, well, he’s not going to throw it _away._ The trash is too far, anyways. Liam sees a small pile of assorted colors of said skittles on the opposite end of the bed where Louis had been and there’s suddenly an idea arising inside of Liam’s mind.

He closes the texting screen and instead turns to his snapchat before he’s taking a picture of the pile of skittles and adding the caption ‘DEFINITELY sweet dreams 2 u as well ;) xxx’

His phone soon vibrates after Liam sees that Zayn’s opened his snap and Liam bites down on his smile as he reads the response.

**_“you geek. txt me tomorrow when you’re not busy, k?”_**

And yeah.

It's gonna take Liam a bit of time.

But at least he knows that everything’s gonna be alright.


End file.
